“So what Morley?? You think with a name like Sergei? He was John D Rockafellah?” My Jewish aunt… Sophia Morgenstern.
TERRANCE GAVAN – EDITOR / CRAP JOURNALIST
“Screw them if they can’t take a fu$%ing joke,” Google founder Sergei Brin told a throng of reporters yesterday on the steps of the Google admin building in Palo Alto California. “I’m a proud Marxist and always have been. I don’t believe in god and I think jesus “freakin” Christ was Houdini from another mother. And yep. I got $75 million on the block for anyone who can explain what virgin birth means. DNA my brother! DNA! Show me the DNA and I’ll give you the money and my goddam Porsche.”
Brin and Larry Paige called a hasty news conference yesterday to address concerns over their choice of Google landing page subject Cesar Chavez on Easter Sunday.
“Should we have depicted a picture of a white Jesus hauling around a basket of easter eggs instead of fish and loaves?” added Paige, grinning widely. “Tea partiers and the Christian right and assholes like Mitt Romney, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are calling this a sacrilege? I rest my case. Screw the Christian Right and bugger the system that allows two college dropouts to make 930 zillion dollahs off the backs of underpaid interns and a gullible populus. No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American Right.”
Just what stirred the rhetoric and this hornet’s nest? This from Babble.com:
In case you missed it: Today’s Google Doodle was of Cesar Chavez. Cesar NOT Hugo Chavez. And the two are not interchangeable which is what some angry tweeters thought today. The former – Cesar – being a Mexican-American, civil rights activist and labor leader. The latter being the former president of Venezuela. Minor details. But whatevs.
Anyway, upon seeing that Cesar Chavez was depicted on the Google Doodle instead of Jesus Christ, well, that totally pissed the right-wingers off. I mean totally pissed them off. They were all over Twitchy, even spouting their outrage because how dare Google not acknowledge a Christian holiday? To which I replied that I had no recollection of the Twitchy Team being so up in arms when there was no Passover-themed Google Doodle.
Brin and Paige said that Google was on the verge of pulling a Gates and by June 2013 all of their assets will be liquidated to provide aid and relief to suffering third world nations all over the world.
“Google was a grand experiment, but it’s run its course,” said Brin. “We do this for Castro, Guevera, Mao, Marx and Lenin. We do it for the poor and we do it because it’s right… and just.”
“I just want to make one thing clear,” added Paige. “Our investors will be protected.”
“Yeah, we have a little surprise in store for those millionaires who grew with Google and still have stocks in their vaults today,” grinned Brin.
“Yep,” screamed Paige. “Consider yourself broke. We have just surrendered all of our assets to China. Nostradamus was right. Your portfolios are as of this morning? G-O-N-E! Baby! Gone!”
Insiders say that Google will go dark at one minute after midnight on April 3, 2013.
University students? You might want to get busy.
Online essays, theses and cheat tests are only available for the next day or so.
tweet me at terrance gavan or the HighlanderToday.